Haven't You Heard That You're Dead?
by Thinkette
Summary: Join Madam Levy McGarden as she tries to find out what in the world landed her with someone who looked like the victim of a stapling accident, a slightly decayed blonde novelist, and said blonde novelist's sort-of, maybe, probably pink haired boyfriend. "You'd think someplace as big as Magnolia would keep records of their undead civilians!"


_"Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus, you get a million zombies." ~ David Wong_

Miss Levy McGarden, of the wealthy and respected McGarden family had most of the things a good amount of people could ask to have: a pretty enough face if you do ask her yourself, a slender figure, enviable intelligence, money, suitors, doting parents; no one could say she didn't have it pretty well. Some more dramatic people had even told her she had it all.

Except, of course, a pulse.

Rewind back about 10 minutes from now, and she would still be alive. What she would usually consider an insignificant amount of time really turned into, rather literally, life and death.

So suddenly, all the things she couldn't cart with her, the toys she used to play with, locked in a beautiful chest, her favorite foods, her pet dog Casper, every ounce of jewelry, and even her mom and dad were suddenly….gone.

And to top it all off, her welcoming committee isn't exactly, well, welcoming.

"Name?" Gajeel asked, yawning into his palm and looking down at her with his half lidded eyes. To him, this was the worst job in the house, and it usually went to Lucy Heartfilia, a bubbly, bright blonde. Word 'round the ghost town was that she was an aspiring astronomer killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend when she realized they weren't compatible. Imagine her surprise when she ended up, not in the heavens she had been looking at, but in this shitty place where all the "souls who didn't fulfill what they wanted went".

Really, Makarov should change that damn speech. Gajeel's been here for a good amount of time, likely a few years if he was still counting by human, living time, and the droning hadn't changed a bit. To be fair, the smaller man likely didn't realize just how long he'd been in the damn place, considering it was likely he'd been there, well, forever.

Regardless, Gajeel was stuck there, at the fucking outpost, basically acting as a pierced up directory because Lucy fucking Heartfilia and every other woman who wasn't in the more disgusting stages of putrefaction had been invited to take vain photographs of their dead, pretty faces to be plastered up everywhere in the damn vicinity.

Welcome to Magnolia, land of the undead. Rather, the dead but somehow still capable of speaking, moving, eating, breathing, existing, screwing and experiencing a slew of emotions. Don't ask him how, he certainly doesn't have all the answers.

Hell, Gajeel Redfox himself was just a poor victim of a tragic (read that: TRAGIC) biking accident that killed off 15 different people as he laughed like a demon possessed down the ribbon of highway on his Harley. Next thing he knew, he was down in Magnolia, being greeted by the not so peppy Juvia Loxar, member of Phantom Lord.

Turns out, even in death different neighborhoods existed. Something like a purgatory, (depending on how you look at it), Phantom Lord acted as some sort of loop. If you were miserable and you didn't make active steps to change that, you would remain miserable. And everyone, really and truly every last soul in Phantom was miserable in one way or another. There were various ways to get out, of course. You could actively repent, which really translated into kissing ass until you won favor with a community's "Master", who would grant you safe haven.

The lucky bastards who were kind or "good" in their lives were automatically up for grabs, and if the number of people a Master could protect and acknowledge allowed for such, they would claim a soul as such. Levy McGarden, of course, was one of the lucky few who Master Makarov snatched up to be in Fairy Tail.

Gajeel hadn't followed either of the methods. Instead, he had gotten his ass handed to him when he nabbed the previously mentioned blonde girl, Lucy, and tried to drag her into Phantom. Strange, but true, there were ways to condemn or mark a soul. And, let's face it, Misery really adores Company. So, sue him, Gajeel wanted as many people to be suffering as he was. Turns out, the biggest mistake of his (after)life was also the best, as all of Phantom got involved. It was a pretty big ordeal, what happened. Maybe he'd tell the story later.

None of it changed the fact that he, the ex-delinquent who got his kicks from causing chaos was now in charge of greeting the rather fragile souls. In fact, it was the job that required the most tact, sensitivity and kindness. Juvia, his closest friend who had drowned at sea when she waded out too far, not knowing how to swim, also happened to be at the stupid photo-shoot, so not even his once melancholy friend could take over the job of greeter (not that she'd do such a good job at it ANYWAY with her "Gray-sama"'s and "Love Rivals!"'s) and so, the already grouchy man was even more so.

Fortunately for everyone, including Miss McGarden, an angry murderer in a land of the undead wasn't much harm anymore, so she was safe enough.

Though, for her part, mouth open in a silent scream as she gaped at the bright place, unfamiliar background and, more importantly, the stapled together man in front of her, that fact wasn't particularly reassuring. She gawked at him, unmoving in her gaudy yellow dress, her bare feet cold on the ground.

He growled. "I asked you your name, shorty! Did you lose your hearing in whatever freak accident happened?" he asked, leaning in closer as if he could tell how much intelligence she had from looking at her face long enough.

"Wh-where am I?" she asked, in a tiny voice. She couldn't even feel her heartbeat rushing through her, not strongly at least. Whenever she was scared, or nervous, the blood would downright pound in her ears, and the absence of it was eerie. And that fact aided with the image of a gun burnt into her brain, instantly tipped her off to the horrible idea that was flitting through her mind

He cocked a studded brow at her, amused smirk stretching over his lips. "Hell." he said simply, throwing his head back and cackling at his joke.

Now, let it be known that Levy wasn't a lightweight. She had done plenty in her life that proved her bravery and earned the admiration of her peers. Right that moment, when she let out a terrified scream, eyes rolling back into her head as she fainted, was not one of them.

His laughter stopped abruptly and he looked down at her, the mud staining her dress and blue hair haloed around her head where the bullet hole was and groaned. The first twenty minutes on the job and he already fucked up. Not that he didn't already have a good idea of who she was: Fairy Tail didn't get too many members since they were almost full to the brim, and she was the only one scheduled to show up.

Regardless, he sighed, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder, ready to take her to Makarov.

He had a feeling that it was gonna be a long day.

* * *

**I'M **(tentatively) **BACK BABY! How did I get back into Fairy Tail, you ask? Well, does Gajeel and Levy having passionate mouth to mouth ring a bell? No? Crawl back under your rock my good friend: I have seen the future and it is Gajevy/GaLe! **

**This is a pretty touch and go AU, Idk if I'll go anywhere with it at all. I haven't written FT (seriously) for a while, so a chaptered fic proves me rusty. On the flip side, it could throw me headfirst into FT and I could write up a storm in the month or so I have left before my Sophomore year of college starts up. **

**All I know is I'm about 1,000 words in to chapter 9 of Chiaroscuro, I've been writing a crap-load of Stinerva, and I wrote up this silly little AU, so hopefully, my Fairy Tail kick will come back with a vengeance.**


End file.
